Teenagers are learning about love from MTV

Television has changed dramatically since CBS prohibited the word"pregnant" from being used in the popular 1950s comedy show "I LoveLucy."

Today's teens learn about love from such shows as MTV's "A DoubleShot of Love," with the "Icki Twins." Ricki and Vicki are bisexualyoung adults who proclaim that "we're just two small town girls eachlooking for the love of our lives." Twelve "sexy lesbians" and 12"hot, sweet guys" compete for their affections in this reality show.This weekly program is filled with the usual titillation, drama andexplicit sexual language. Each contestant must appear to be in lovewith each of the Icki twins to avoid being told that their "shot oflove has ended."

I began watching this show because, well, I had to! My teenageclients were enthralled with this program, and would discuss theshow during our therapy sessions.

I ended up watching Ricki and Vicki for several weeks, and Ithought the premise of the program was rather nasty. I wasn'tparticularly bothered by the sexual elements, as teens have accessto much more explicit sexuality on the Internet. I was more upset bythe messages it contained about honesty, love and commitment.

This "reality show" is anything but real. The contestants weremanipulative and phony. They kept proclaiming their affection andlove for two women they barely knew, all for the sake of winning acompetition. I hope that teens realize that real love has nothing todo with what they saw on this program.

As teens try to figure out what love and relationships are allabout, they look to their parents, friends and the media. These arenot always positive and helpful images about love and affection.Teens live through their parents' divorces, and wonder if anyrelationship is really permanent. They watch "A Double Shot of Love"and see attractive contestants acting in ways that are just theopposite behaviors to attract real love.

Here's my offer to MTV. I'd be happy to consult with you on yournext reality show about love, if it's based upon research findingsabout what really matters in a loving relationship.

1. Be honest. Love is based on trust, the foundation of which isbeing real with another person. This means saying what you mean, andnot being deceitful or manipulative. Honesty requires you to admitwhen you are wrong, and apologize when you've made a mistake.

2. Be nice. If you are looking for real love, hang around nicepeople. Such people are thoughtful, kind, considerate and helpful.They act that way with you and with others. They don't gossip, whineor catastrophize.

3. Have shared interests. Real love is maintained by shareinterests. Opposites may attract, but such relationships don't lastvery long. Look for someone who is excited by the same things youlike. Spending your life with your best friend who feels joy inbeing around you is what real love is all about.

I wonder if I'm going to hear from MTV anytime soon?

Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a child psychologist and vice presidentfor outpatient services at The Children's Medical Center of Dayton.For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ ramey andsign up for FamilyWise, a free e-newsletter for parents. Sendcomments to Dr. Ramey at rameyg@childrens dayton.org.

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